Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize