So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
