Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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