ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
