I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
