sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
