Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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