the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
