So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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