its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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