I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How does one acquire holy water?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
