im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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