If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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