Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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