i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
