i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
