We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
