i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i now understand why vodka
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
