You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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