Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
