found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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