Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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