I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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