i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize