Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
