also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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