wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
