Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
