I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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