Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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