I want to make a zoo with you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize