Only a mothe r could love this liver
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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