Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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