I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
