your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
