I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
