Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
