Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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