so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry about my life...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
