Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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