so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
