we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize