Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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