Dude my mom stole all your condoms
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
