I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
