Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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