I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
