Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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