It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
