So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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