We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
