I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
