the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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