Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
