we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
