Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
