If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
