saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He uses pillows to masturbate.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
