when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
