Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
