when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
