I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
