I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
