I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
