dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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